selfish bitch

there's this guy, whom i used to be close with, we were good friends. but changes occurred within our social group and we ended up on different sides, we chose different subjects and now we barely see each other. he was a good friend, i enjoyed his company - his attention, his jokes, his hugs. but lately, we've started chatting again and sometimes it feels like there was never a break between our friendship, other times it gets awkward. oh how i miss the times we once shared.

not long ago, perhaps last week i found out there is this one girl - that i know, but i'm not too sure if i like her or not - likes him, and wants to go out with him. apparently he knows, but i think he rejected her.. but still they are very close. i talked to one of my cousins about them, as she is close with the girl. and i told her, that she was definitely not his type.

but the fact that they're still close, bothers me a bit - but it's only with this one chick. i feel mean, like a real bitch for having such selfish thoughts lately about how to prevent their relationship from growing. but i'm not sure why. i ask myself "could i be jealous?" but it's not like i like him in that way. but then if it was because they're so close, why is it only towards her that i don't like it?

they're relationship bothers me, to the point that i'm considering getting close with him to stop whatever she wants with him. i've been thinking a lot about this lately, i've been thinking about him. but i don't know why it bothers me so much.

i just want to apologize for having such thoughts, even though no one is aware of them.