one of those nights..

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up. I need your loving hands to come and pick me up..
you know those nights, when you feel all alone?
and then those songs start playing?

last night i let my guard down, i gave in; gave in to all those memories, all those times we once shared.
I remember the days we spent together were not enough, and it used to feel like dreamin' except we always woke up..
i just couldn't hold it back,
baby do you remember the way we used to be?
do you remember when you said "that me and you were meant to be for everyone else to see"?

honestly, most of the time im okay, but sometimes..
sometimes it gets the best of me, and there's nothing i can do about it..

baby, you do something to me that i cant explain;
so would i be out of line if i said, i miss you?

nothing ever stays the same, it's changing every minute~

It's been a while since i've blogged, blame the shitload of homework i've been given, it's seriously bs. like if i'm not homeworking i'm studying for some gay test or whatever :/ and i'm sorry morgan LOL D:

lately, so much shit has been running through my mind; memories of the past, concern of my future, and curiousity about life.
all those good times, just chilling with mates, hanging out with the ones you love, where'd they all go? how come suddenly you think about it all and it seems to be years ago? how come all your old friends have just disappeared from your life? and now you walk past them almost asif they are strangers? i cant help but miss those old times.

and why is it that we are forced to think about our future, almost all the time? like, what do we want to do? where do we plan to go with our lives? what do we plan on achieving etc. why? why do we plan so far ahead when tomrorrow is not even guaranteed to anyone?

have you realised, we spend our time either thinking about our past, trying to figure out what went wrong and how much has changed and gone, or we plan and try to predict our own futures? why? why do we never think about right now?

what we don't realise is that, time is passing by faster than we think, look at the calendar, it's almost august already. time spent on thinking about changing things we can not change or worrying about things that are uncertain and changing every minute, is time we will never get back. tomorrow may come, and you'll be wondering where today went.

focus on today and make the most of it, because every second that passes us by, is one we will never get back.

where would i be without them.(:

damn. when you feel at your worst, like you're at rock bottom with no idea what to do, you learn who your true friends are; who's there for you and who's always going to be around. you've never realised how lucky you are to have those people around you.
this is just some deds to some special peoples, in abc order :)

cahteh/cass.p ; you always look out for me, and know how to put a smile on my face. you prove that nothing is impossible.
erin ; you're there for me time and time again. you're always honest, telling me what you really think. you listen and you advise; you help me get past my problems.
noobassfag farzad ; you've listened to my shit over and over and you're still not sick of me. your comfort helps me through each day.
lalita ; you somehow manage to distract me. you take my mind off my shit and make me laugh at your random shiz until i literally rofl :/
m.dmb/morgan ; you always make me laugh and smile when it feels impossible to do so. and suprisingly, you give good advice. your cute drawings and freaking slowness always make me lol. dmb's always.
selena ; you're like the first one i look for when something's wrong, when i need to talk, bitch or rage. you're always patiently listening, never telling me to shuttup. i don't know how you do it, you're there everytime.

when i feel like i'm at my lowest, they're the ones i turn to. i don't know how they put up with me or my problems, but farking hell am i thankful, words can't explain. i know they'll be there for me without a doubt, they are truly irreplacable. honestly, i dont know where i'd be without them.

i just want to say thankyou.

take away the pain, take away the hurt..

how did i let myself fall so deeply in love with you, that it now seems impossible to get out of? you made me believe in things i never did before, like forever..
i don't know what to do. i don't even know what to think. life just seems so shit without you by my side, it feels like i'm getting no where. i used to mean more than everything, but now i barely mean a thing to you. was i that easy to get over and just forget?

i read over those messages. remember the ones where you told me how much you missed me? the ones where you told me how much you loved me? the ones that said how much i meant to you? yeah, they do nothing but bring tears to my eyes now, they're just so meaningless. now sometimes, i wonder whether you meant it all..

i don't want people to keep saying, give it time, you'll be okay. it doesn't help. i don't want to hear that he's not worth it or you can do better, it doesn't help. i don't want to hear sorry's, because they really do not help.

it doesn't matter what people say or do, or how much i distract myself, i still need to sleep at night. and that's when all the memories come rushing back, when the tears come running down..

two weeks today; and you've already moved on with someone else?
you don't even know how much this is hurting me, hearing shit from other people, and knowing that it's true ..

right back where i started ..

You know that feeling, where you thought you were over it, thought you could finally move on? You know how you went days without a thought of them bringing you down; you feel so proud of yourself, you believe again, you're finally smiling; yeah, you know that feeling?

But woah, suddenly, you're by yourself with nothing to do and out of no where, their face comes to your mind, and its like you're right back where you started. You wonder about the last few days; was i really over it, or simply distracted? You wonder why you believed their lies, their beautiful lies.. the whole “we’ll still be friends” and “i still care about you” shit, the typical break up shit. damn you feel like such an idiot.

Even though they’ve caused you so much pain, and don’t even bother talking to you anymore, you just can’t let go.. & why not? because it's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, if your heart still does..

Doesn’t it piss you off, how you don’t hate them at all, not even a little bit? How they make you feel like the biggest fool, hating yourself instead.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them.

thanks.

i was hoping that my biggest fear would not become reality, but in the end it did..

lost, confused, hurt and heartbroken, i didn't know what to do.
i didn't understand how it just disappeared,
i didn't understand how you could just hurt me like that.
it wasn't fair.

i made myself suffer, because inside i was wishing that you had made a mistake. i was making up all these excuses, telling myself to be patient; that you would come back. all because i didn't want to believe that we had come to an end, that we are no more, that we are now just a part of history.

days later when i asked and you said there was no chance left for us, it was hard to accept. but hey, it gave me closure.
and ever since, i've been able to see that my life is not at an end like i had thought; i now see that it was the chapter of you and i, that had come to its' end.

i can't say that i don't miss you at all or that i've completely given up, but i can finally smile again.
and who knows what'll happen in the future.

but for now, i just want to thank you for all you have done for me, for the memories you helped create, for being by my side.
i'm thankful to have met you at all, who would've thought we'd meet the way we did.