blahh

things are starting to look up, but i can't help but feel that something is going to come along and ruin it.. it's always like that; we're constantly going around in circles. should i just enjoy it and suffer later, or be wary of it and not feel the happiness?

school's a drag, i can't concentrate lately. i'm so behind and i don't know how to catch up :/ i really can not be bothered.

burning out.

I don't wanna take a step back
But I'm running on emptiness
We're just no longer on the same track
And it's killing me in every way

You take me in; shut me out, you're breaking me down
Tell me that I'm the one, but I see through your lies
It's all misleading, you keep me bleeding
It's like I'm burning out, burning out

You're making me feel so alone
Baby just let me let go
Cuz I just can't escape your ghost
The fire you started once is now
Burning out, burning out
I'm burning out, burning out
I just fade away
Were burning out, burning out
We keep on burning out, burning out

I can't find myself leaving
And it hurts with every breath I take
That I will never know the feeling
Of you loving me the same way

You take me in; shut me out, you're breaking me down
Tell me that I'm the one, but I see through your lies
It's all misleading, you keep me bleeding
It's like I'm burning out, burning out

You're making me feel so alone
Baby just let me let go
Cuz I just can't escape your ghost
The fire you started once is now
Burning out, burning out
I'm burning out, burning out
I just fade away
Were burning out, burning out
We keep on burning out, burning out

Have you ever even noticed
All the pain when you look into my eyes
Tell me, have you ever even thought about
That I'm, I'm burning out

You're making me feel so alone
Baby just let me let go
Cuz I just can't escape your ghost
The fire you started once is now
Burning out, burning out
I'm burning out, burning out
I just fade away
Were burning out, burning out
We keep on burning out, burning out.. (8)

when you take your time to reply, this is how it feels..

you're like a flash of lightning

why is it only sometimes that i feel like you want me the way i want you? why are we on the same page, only when you feel like it?

how do you go one day, without talking to me? because it's killing me inside. how can you hold your emotions so well, because i can't. how do you act like you don't care, because even when i try my hardest, i still can't act. it's not fair on me, to be treated like this. the days when you feel like talking, you'll always reply. then there's days when you just don't reply for ageees - like now..

i don't know what to think. part of me, wants to just forget about you and move on. but there's another part of me, that says 'no, keep holding on'. you've had me like this for so long and it doesn't seem like it's going to get any better, we're just going around in circles.. but i can't just ignore my feelings for you; so what should i do?

i want to know if you can see us going anywhere. because even though i said i'd wait for you, i don't want to wait for something that most likely won't happen. be fair to me, let me know how it is for you.

...

why do i keep having these random depressed moods? where i feel like doing nothing, 'cept sitting by myself in my room. why do i feel like crying, why do i feel like there's nothing good in life? why do i feel like there is only one person who can make me feel better?

this is why i don't like trusting/relying on other people, because when you need them the most, there's no way of getting through to them..

to my readers ;)

happy valentine's day & happy Chinese New Year (:
just thought i'd wish this to you all :D

hope you all have a lovely day with your loved ones - your significant other, bestfriend, or friends.
and to all those who celebrate chinese new year - 新年快乐!
have a wonderful day with your family! get the $$ and have fun at the festivals ! :D

the date and time for this blog is incorrect for where i am. it's 1402 , 4.58pm :)

mon anniversaire :D

yesterday was my birthday, and i turned the legal age to get my Learner's ;)

it started off slow, with people at school wishing me a happy birthday; teachers, classmates and friends. nothing special happened, felt like another normal day; as i had predicted.. but during assembly, the coordinator wished me a 'happy birthday', holding everyone back a minute xD lunchtime came, and i was almost finished with school for the day. as i was talking to some people, one of my friends came and said the coordinator wanted to see me; i thought i was in trouble, but what for? i had no idea. i almost refused to go, it was only the fourth day back! but as i walked into the VCE centre, i saw my friends standing around a table, and a cake in the middle with candles. it was so thoughtful, it was so unexpected; i was truly surprised. i blew the candles, made a wish, and enjoyed the afternoon surrounded with my friends. i have no idea how many times everyone's sung 'happy birthday' to me this year ^^

i left school at 1.15, going to lunch with my aunties and two cousins, but we didn't end up eating until 3.30pm - we went shopping for a bit haha. coming home early, i didn't know what to do. i still felt like going out, didn't want to stay home. but i didn't have a choice, there wasn't anyone to go out with. ahwell (N)

i guess i can't really complain about it, except for some disappointments with some people - but what can i do about it.

i am thankful to my school friends for what they had organised, and for proving me wrong; because they do care.
i was really surprised; THANKYOU ♥

privacy please.

is it wrong of me to ask for a little privacy? because my mum thinks it's perfectly to open my mail. if it is addressed to me, i should be the only one opening it; right? it's not like i'm allowed to open hers. what right does she have to open mine? i know she's my mother, but she's not me now is she?

birthday eve.

tonight is my birthday eve, but i don't feel excited or anything. it feels like it's just going to be another normal day at school..

maybe it's because i've already celebrated it, and there won't be any surprises or presents. maybe it's because who i want to spend it with, won't be around. maybe it's because it seems like no one at home cares about it. or maybe it's a mix of all of the above.

i finish at 12.15 tomorrow, but no one finishes as early as i do. i want to go out for dinner, but everyone's working/busy. it feels like no one cares; i honestly don't know what to think.

and fuck my parents. telling me to go to bed now? do they not understand? it feels so depressing, that those i care most about, don't seem to care about me at all. all i wanted for my birthday was to be happy, and it seems like i'm going to feel depressed. i thought birthdays were meant to be a special thing.. but i guess those around me think differently.

43 minutes to go.