Bring on 2011.

It's a brand new year. My final highschool year. My final minor year. The end of my childhood.

I have been well aware of all the above for a long time, and I had been cool with it. I set myself goals, had all these positive quotes and shiet around me. But it wasn't until just a few days ago that it really hit me - I'm in year twelve, my final year. And since then, I've been stressing. Homework still incomplete, haven't succeeded in finding a maths tutor, and my attitude towards school & motivation still, no where in sight.

I'm so scared of failing. So scared of not doing well. Scared of not doing as well as I know I can. Worried about stress. Worried about struggling with the workload. Worried about the final outcome.

Year twelve only comes around once. I've only got this one chance to prove myself, my capabilities and show others my potential. I'm scared, but perhaps the fear of failing will be enough to get me motivated. Maybe not, but I'm hoping it will be.. I don't have much else. I've come so far, how can I just not do anything, right?

The look on everyone's faces; the disappointment, or perhaps joy and happiness is what I'll witness. Either way, I'm shitting myself. But, I promised myself at the end of 2010, as a new year's resolution, to stay focused and that school comes first. No boys, no fights, no drama - just study. It's 9 months of sacrifice for a potentially successful future. It'll be worth it, cover the negative with something positive and I'll be fine. Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll come out with a proud smile, and party away the last few months of my childhood after.

that guy.

Don't want to wait, and I can't rewind.
I'm losing my mind.
Watching the days, turn into nights.
And I can't close my eyes,
cause I can't help thinking;
all I need is, one more first chance.

I have had all these "what if's" and scenarios playing in mind ever since we met. I can't help but think of all the possibilities, and maybe it's because I barely know you, but you seemed perfect. Someone who was too good to be true.

Argh I don't like this. I don't like feeling like this, because I know there is no chance in the world I'll ever see you again. And that, is slowly starting to become a regret; my first regret. Cause I can't help but question, "what if you were the one?"

I feel like I'm going crazy. :|

official goodbye.

We Started Off So Good, We Were Honestly Happy.
You Used To Tell Me,I Was Beautiful.
Where Did It All Go Wrong?
I Can’t Believe, There’s Nothin Left For Saving.
How’d It Go… From Being In Love To Alone?
It’s Like Swimming On Forever But It’s Moving Us Downstream;
We Can’t Win Together We’re No Longer The Same Team,
So You Can Watch My Great Escape Tonight.

i heard you've got a new girl. and it kind of makes sense now, the way you were talking to me just a couple of days before and then how you just disappeared from my life.. couldn't you man up and tell me?

i knew we were heading down, but i actually thought we were getting good again, guess i was wrong. i really do miss what we used to be, and how close we were, but i guess we can't rewind or repair what we once had now. it saddens me to let you go like this, after everything we've been through. and that dream i had about our future, it felt so real. but you're making no effort, you've moved on; and i've been living quite well without you.

maybe i was just holding onto something that we had lost a long time ago, simply for the sake of our past together; baha silly me. good luck with everything, until we speak again - goodbye.

www.omnomnomcassie.tumblr.com

^ my tumblr.
new blog site - i post more often there because it's more convenient and i don't mind sharing what i write there.

my blogspot is a page i will continue to write in, but not as often, about things i just need to get off my chest that i don't particularly want to share with too many people.




www.omnomnomcassie.tumblr.com

if there is anyone who actually reads these blogs, please feel free to follow me on tumblr :D

spring.

"Home is the person or place you want to return to over and over." ♥

i'm scared that even though the years keep passing, that the lies and disappointment continue to build up; that no matter what, there will always be a part of me still holding onto you.